The Swans song and the Shattered Image
by GatewaysDiary
Summary: We are part of the same being but that doesn't mean we sing the same song. It only takes one second for our world to fall apart, but I wonder will you hate me, or will you understand? Just a random musing from twin to twin, no twincest, Character study
1. Swan Song

**Swan song**

It amazes me that people think that we are the same sometimes. What is there other then our looks that remains the same between the two of us? I guess if you pull it apart there are quite a lot that we agree on; food, music, books, movies, games and . . . people.

That's where it all went wrong isn't it? With us letting other people into our lives? I thought it would be good, I thought it would help. I pushed and pushed, forcing you farther and farther away, and now when I need you most I'm too afraid to try and call you back.

You don't know yet, I don't want you to know because you'll only blame yourself in the end. We always lived one step away from the edge. No matter what we did, we balanced on that tightrope using one another to stay standing. Then when things got unstable we just held onto one another for dear life and waited for it all to pass. Never mind how we acted when it came to interacting with others.

When it came to others we always acted the same, with one foot out the door and the other already off the ground ready to leave, because we couldn't let ourselves trust anyone. We were too afraid of getting hurt again to let ourselves trust.

Nothing was ever certain, nothing except for each other. So why is it that I pushed you away? Why would I ever in a million years want to separate from the most important thing in my life? You should have been able to see that I was lying, you always could before.

But that changed, didn't it? She changed it, changed us. I thought I loved her, you do love her. Actually I still love her too, but I will always love you more, so there is nothing left for me there. There is nothing left for me anywhere.

I'm leaving soon, and you still don't know. I still haven't told you. I haven't told anyone; no one other then Mother knows what I plan to do. I wonder if the rest of the Host Club will be mad? I wonder if they'll hate me, if you'll hate me? Will you ever speak to me again?

I use to think we would be together forever. That we could fix everything so that we never had to part, but now I am leaving; I am choosing to leave. You've found your place here but I haven't. I will always be there for you. To smile and laugh and cheer you on when you feel like your world is coming down, but that's not all I am.

I don't want to spend the rest of my life not knowing what I can be. Tell me do you dream that the world will know your name; because I do. I thought we both did. I thought we wanted the world to know our names, mine and yours, not just our family name.

The reason I haven't told you this is because I know you wouldn't want me to leave. Or even worse you would want to come with me. Someday though you'll understand why. Why I had to keep these secrets from you, why I had to leave, why you couldn't come.

I've thought every day since I found out about this, about my choice and what to do. The day I watched you with her I told myself it was okay, that in the end you would always come back to me, but now I'm not sure that is what I want.

I want you to be free. I don't want to be the burden that breaks your song. I want you to be free if you want to be. Do you even believe in me anymore or have I lost that too? Do you know that everyday is the first of the rest of your life?

This is my last day in the shadows, I want to shine brighter then ever before all the way till I burn out. This is my last chance, my final call before the curtain comes down. Mother is going to tell you once I am gone, she promised me that.

There are so many questions that I don't think I will ever have answered because they are just that, questions. Questions I don't want to ask, with answers I don't want to know.

Don't tell me where this road ends; I just don't want to know anymore. I want to live out every second I have left in this world like they were my last and I want the same for you.

I want to live and I want to see you live. I want you to fight for what you love, and cry over what you lose. I want you to stand alone and with me; to look at the world and see something outside our little box that we locked ourselves in. Inside our world you see there are two songs taking place.

Your song is still being written and all you have to do is find the other parts, while mine is finished. The ballade has been written and the chorus sung, you did your part and now it's my turn.

I told myself that this would never end. Our song would last forever, completely intertwined, but the final verse leaves room for only one. So I am going to go and sing my part, and I promise I'll make it strong.

You don't have to tell me anything anymore my brother. No matter what you will always be with me. I only have one more verse and I know now that it's not going to end with bitterness. No matter what remember you will always be my big brother but please don't worry because there was nothing you could do. I hope that you see my end verse was just the start of your life song.

I no longer fear this because I know that what I have written will always be the utmost truth. For I believe now that this song isn't the end of our life, it's just my swan song that I have always waited to sing.

**{A}{N}**

This is my first try at writing these characters so please tell me if anything seems very OOC. I have another part to this, Hikaru's part but I'm not sure if I should post it or not.

Hope you liked, and please R&R if you feel like it! It is majorly loved.

Thanks for reading

~GatewaysDiary~


	2. Shattered Images

**Shattered Images**

It's not real; it's all a mirage, fake, some cruel form of a joke, anything but real. I've heard the words, I've seen the reports but I still won't believe it is true. It could never be true, and then for him to leave. To leave me without a word spoken, without telling me why and where he was going, it wasn't like him.

Nothing was like him, nothing and no one was ever like him. That is what always made me laugh when others got confused, and what made me angry when people were to blind to see the difference. Nothing made sense to me anymore. Nothing, it was all lies.

I don't know what hurts more. The fact that you left or the fact that you didn't even care to tell me what was wrong. I knew it was something, that something had changed within you, I just didn't know what. Maybe this is the worlds way of punishing me for not protecting you. The greatest gift ever given and I just let you leave.

Where was I when you needed me most? Not with you, that's all I know. But then again you are doing the same thing to me now, aren't you? You are gone when I need you the most. Mother says you'll be okay, that everything is fine but that's just another lie. I can see how scared she is, how sad. I wish I knew what made you leave. What was out there that you couldn't get here?

I don't understand what the world could give you that wasn't right here. We had everything, we could get anything but that still wasn't enough for you? I want to scream at you, at how stupid you are being, at how much pain you are causing everyone around you. I can't yell at someone that's not here though. I can't tell you how upset I am, how mad.

You were always my reflection, my other half. It's not fair for you to do this to me. To leave me without a reflection, to leave a broken mirror in your place. But it wasn't you that broke this image was it? I broke this image long before you left. I shattered the mirror that once showed our connection.

Tiny pieces of glass shower the floor creating a web of reflecting truth with me in the middle of the mess. Thousands of broken reflections stare back at me, accusing me. I broke us, I let you leave, I wasn't there and now I'm forced to breath in this world with only half of me.

How could you leave me behind without telling me where to go? I am without direction in this play, my part seems incomplete. You were always the better actor, always able to paint whatever image you wished upon the world, yourself, and me. I always loved seeing what world you would create.

Of course Mother is playing her part, the part that you laid out for her without her even realizing it. No one ever sees our plays, the games that we make so we can see the world. But this . . . this is your play, your game and even I can't see the script.

It's strange being on the outside of your game. Not knowing what the goal is or what rules are in play. I've tried to understand, to piece together the play from the clues that you left behind but it all comes out a blur to me. Do you know how hard that is on me?

We always promised we would do everything together, play, school, date, marry, die . . . but we can't now, can we? No, we can't do any of that anymore, and it's all because fate decided to stick its twisted hand in and rip our plans to shreds. You'll get better though, I'm sure of that and then everything will be normal, right?

My mirror image, my shadow, my baby brother, my twin did I ever tell you how lost I am? I know why but I don't understand, I'm scared but I wont say why, I'm tired and the fights just begun, and I can't understand how you can be so strong even when everything is falling to pieces around us.

Everyone misses you, they all want you back just like I do. Tamaki-Senpai cried . . . a lot when I said you had left, Hunny-Senpai too. Haruhi understood I think, more then I did at least, that was until I told them why. Even Mori-Senpai got upset then. I think Kyoaya-Senpai must have already known at least something because he didn't seem surprised.

Where are you now baby brother . . . I want you here, I want you safe.

I wish that I could take away all the hurt and protect you like a big brother should, but how can I protect you from something that is inside you? I don't want to but I understand why you left now, why you didn't tell me.

You've never been very good at putting yourself first. Even when we were children it was always what I wanted to do and this time, this thing, this choice had to be you. You had to stop seeing us and for once see you. To see you in the same way that the world is seeing you now.

Maybe that is what we both needed, to let the world see two where they once saw one. To let them understand that there are two of us in this world. Wasn't that always your dream? To have the world know your name? I think its time I shared in that dream once more.

Soon the world will see the you that I have known all my life. The one that could never be mistaken for me. The you that made me smile even when the world was tearing apart, the you that would give your life for anyone that you cared for, the you that has more to give then anyone else.

You want to live, to be a part of something bigger then just our world and maybe it's time for me to want the same.

I see whats left and for the first time I understand. You knew me before I could know myself, just like always. You didn't tell me because you could already see, I could never leave. If you had told me what you were planning I would have begged you to stay without a second thought or consideration for what you wanted.

Kyouya-Senpai talked to the people at the hospital and they don't know where to go from here but you did. You went the only place left for you to go . . . away. If I never see you again I'm not sure I'll be okay, but I will never be mad. I can't hate the other part of myself after all.

You left for your dreams, you kept theses secrets for mine. I am here and you are there. I look around and wonder if you can see it too. How much different the world looks without your eyes too. I'm glad that your finally living your life though.

I know that its not to late no matter what other may say. We aren't the same, nothing can change that and now that you have left and the world sees only one I look in the mirror and wonder if you still see what I see.

Three months, that's what they say you have left, but I know you better then that. You are strong, you'll be there in the end. There is nothing left for you here to live for, but for some reason we always return to one another. So even when things go wrong I know you'll be there, to stand by my side when I need you most.

The world has changed and it's never going to be the same because my mirror has finally shattered, my shadows in the light, my other half, my baby brother, my _twin_ is gone from my side and it is the shattered image that the world now sees that is somehow forever right.

**{A}{N}**

I tried to make the two parts about the same length but I don't think I like this one quiet as much.

Ehe, oh well, it was just a character study. Hopefully you all enjoyed it though. I am hoping to write the actual story for them soon.

Until then thanks for reading!

~GatewaysDiary~


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